Does what you do impact your relationships?

It was my wife’s ‘fault’ I got in to nude photography.  At aged 41 she decided she was in terrific shape considering two kids etc and wanted me to capture said shape for posterity.  She didn’t hold out much hope for great art as she had no faith in my artistic sensibilities…..but was (very) pleasantly surprised with the outcome.  She encouraged me to do more and has always been supportive like Orson Carter ’s……..just not around our house…..hence her present to me one birthday of the lease of a space which became a studio which she helped me run.

Like Huw my images are for putting on walls and are not meant to be sexual at all.  My family have grown up with them around the house, displayed or ready to be dispatched.  So to them it is normal.

I wonder if the issue that the OP is wrestling with is more attitude (his I mean) than art.  Women are almost by definition intuitive.  They will know what his attitude is to the distaff side and will make decisions accordingly……hobby or none.

If you want to continue your photography find someone who enjoys your photography hobby too, or who models, or just offer to photograph your potential new partner (SFW of course) and let them experience a photoshoot with you, they will either love it or hate it. If photography isn't important then your new hobby should be you, go places and be with people who make you happy.

Gothic Image said

As a word of warning, I've known several models over the years whose partners originally said they were happy with them modelling but turned out not to be.

I've worked with a few models who have said this.

15yrs ago quite a few models of the day wouldn't have a boyfriend at all for this reason.

I don't have a problem with my wife she knows exactly what I shoot, As she has matured she is more forgiving, Now if we were in our first ten years of our relationship that would have been a different story yes you've got it it would be a no no shooting models.

Sandra Blu said

(Bats eyelashes. I can cook excellent Spanish food -wink wink)

You know the way to a mans heart.

My far-better-half and I often shoot together but she has no issue at all when I shoot solo.

Some good models have left the past yr or two , could it be this issue.

Because of our unique facilities at EdenGarden, most of our images were shot here. The most common form of shoot involves a few hours shooting, followed by the model being able to use the sauna, steam room and hottub (often with a friend/partner), followed by a meal. Usually they have access to it alone, but if we are invited in, we will join them after. Almost always, Mrs E is my glamorous assistant as well as general host for the day. Many of the shoots involve some form of nudity (only on the models part !), though certainly not all. Mrs E would not want us to take adult images - and for that matter neither would I. 

Virtually all of our friends/family know that once a month or so, we shoot models, sometimes nude models (inc some males too). Also, our guesthouse/spa is based on the German/Dutch/Austrian philosophy that spas should be used without swimsuits. Shooting nude models is no big deal for either of us. We were both born naked.

If we and the models are happy with the results, it is nobody else's concern. 

I am very fortunate that it is not a problem for Mrs E. (Who, as well as my best friend and wife of 40 years, is also my favourite model - I have to put that in case she reads this!)

JME Studios said

There are a number of things I need to change - not least lose a serious amount of weight because being a 44" waist and looking like a darts player isn't helping my cause. 😂

But I wonder if this hobby of mine is the real elephant in the room?

...

I also know most photographers on here have wives. Many embrace and encourage what they do.

I think we've argued on here because your views on life and mine vary significantly; I imagine that might also be an issue with some potential partners especially those who have an artistic mind? I'm not suggesting you change; why should you? Never change to suit someone else, change to suit you, and if it pleases someone else that's a bonus.

You've already identified a problem you perceive with yourself: the weight. You don't seem to shoot the fuller-figured model, so I assume that's the aesthetic you prefer and your darts player reference indicates that's probably not something you aspire to! You're 40 so you have more than enough time to make a positive change in that regard, slowly but surely and don't expect instant results or get disappointed when initial losses appear to tail off.  Working out produces endorphins that will have a positive effect on your mind and that in itself is an attractive trait to others.  It will also prolong your life so you'll either have longer with a new partner or more time to enjoy your hobby.

Like Mr Golding, I'm very comfortable in my own skin so a partner is a true bonus.

I started model photography in my 40s and was in an unhappy marriage at the time.  I arranged a shoot with someone on Model Mayhem - I think - and we hit it off instantly and arranged other shoots near her. I left my wife shortly afterwards and began seeing this model on a serious basis although she was still in a relationship with someone else until she decided to come clean with him.  This was a pattern that sadly continued in my time with her: I think the revolving front door should have been a giveaway as the moment I left at the end of long weekend to head back down to London, one of her other conquests (with an emphasis on "con") would arrive.  She projected her infidelity onto me, so while we were together I was not allowed to photograph other women, although I was fine with her shooting with others. After a couple of years and many chances I decided to leave her and she decided to try to make my life a misery professionally and on all the modelling sites.

I decided to give dating sites a try and once met a gorgeous lady in Surrey who looked like Paula Hamilton from the 80s VW Golf adverts.  We got on really well but the combination of motorbikes and nude photography meant I was "too rock 'n' roll" for her. Yes, full disclosure from the start of anything so that went nowhere. I then met a gorgeous goth lady and was with her for a couple of years: she had three teenage kids which was fine but that relationship started to fizzle out so we parted whilst we were on good terms.

By then in my early 50s, I was still shooting nudes from time to time and travelling and loving life but thinking it would be better if I had someone to share it with, but I couldn't be arsed to try dating apps again, so I didn't bother. I met another lady up in the North West whilst I was working with a Client based near Preston and we began seeing each other occasionally. A model I'd shot a couple of times became a lover as well, but it was early days.

And then I attended a PurplePort social in Gloucester...

I went because there were a handful of models I wanted to shoot but I wanted to meet them first so I could decide whether we would work well together; if I'm going to be spending a few hours doing a shoot on my shilling, I want to know I'll get on well with the model, we'll have a laugh, and as a result get some natural sparkle in the results.  And that's where I met one of them in particular that I'd been discussing a shoot in outline with. She gave me a prod around Christmas time that year so we went ahead and booked a shoot in London.

I almost cancelled the shoot when a certain Mr Orson Carter shot with her a short while before I was due to and he produced some simply outstanding images of her (one of which is one of my favourites of all time).  Knowing I was planning to shoot boudoir in a relatively small area, I thought the images might not be to the standard I wanted, but we went ahead anyway. That ended up with some disastrous images: it was one of those days where I struggled with lighting (natural lighting but very changeable between harsh sun and black rainclouds every few seconds). Maybe that's why we hit it off so well? The expletives and the way the shoot descended into farce.  As she was staying in my spare room and hopefully heading to other shoots whilst she was up in London, I arranged to take her out for dinner to my local restaurant. The other shoots fell by the wayside with the usual time wasters and 'fauxtographers' looking for something else completely, so I was tour guide for the day before taking her to the station. We arranged a shoot a month later but in between times she decided to leave her husband and moved in with me shortly afterwards.  That was well over 10 years ago. We got married in 2017 and are living happily ever after.

I still shoot nudes; she still models nude.  It's all about trust and more particularly living up to that trust.

As for kids, well I had two from my first marriage and my wife has six from her previous marriages. Fortunately, all bar one were adults when we met and the youngest got on fine with me.  Partners' kids can make or break relationships. 

I've also found that some models get new partners who love the idea (and bragging rights) of dating a model but find the reality too much to deal with. It's especially so with the younger ones.

TL;DR

Lose weight and feel better about yourself.

Be honest with any potential partner from the off: full disclosure.

Ideally find someone with shared interests or better still a model or photographer or other creative.

I said

Ideally find someone with shared interests or better still a model or photographer or other creative.

Brucey Bonus here is that when other models come and stay with you or shoot with you, you can often shoot two models together or shoot twice at the same location.

Sandra Blu said

i dumped a (semi) boyfriend last year because he had a massive issue with nude pics, good riddance honestly. I like being single and I like nude photos so any man wanting a relationship needs to be super cool about it. I on the other hand am super cool about a partner shooting naked women so I guess I need to find myself a photographer boyfriend?

(Bats eyelashes. I can cook excellent Spanish food -wink wink)

Having met you and seen what you write on here, I have no idea how you can possibly be single! 

I started portrait/model photography around eight years ago before my wifes death six years ago. She used to help critique my images although had no real interest in photography, something I had been doing since my teens and during our 41 years together.

After my wifes death I put all my energy into mainly model photography with a few shoots abroad and loads at my local studio. Five years ago I met my partner and was upfront with her from the start that model shoots was something I was doing and had no intention in stopping what I enjoyed doing. My partner doesn't have any interest in what I do other than is happy if I am happy. I do show her what I put on PP and other sites so she knows what type of images I take. I have not shot abroad recently but she is quite happy for me to do so as long as we have holidays also. She would definitely object if I was to start participating in my own images with models as would I :)

As has been said. Full disclosure from the start is always the best policy in my opinion.

As a model I always think it would be harder to explain to a new partner what they enjoy doing whether for pleasure or work. I have seen both sides to the story with some models having problems and others whose partners are quite happy with what they do. But we live in different times these days where the internet has changed many peoples views on things.

RHM.Photo

self employed immigrant running a business in central London so I don't have much of a life (outside of work). I may be able to find a husband once I retire (crosses fingers).

(Gentlemen please form an orderly queue)

Edited by Sandra Blu

Sandra Blu said

RHM.Photo

self employed immigrant running a business in central London so I don't have much of a life (outside of work). I may be able to find a husband once I retire (crosses fingers).

(Gentlemen please form an orderly queue)

 

Damn. I fail on both counts. I'm not a gentleman, and I'm often disorderly. 

Hang on... There's another reason, isn't there... I'm already married. Oops! 

Sandra Blu said

self employed immigrant running a business in central London so I don't have much of a life (outside of work). I may be able to find a husband once I retire (crosses fingers).

(Gentlemen please form an orderly queue)

By then you could dispense with putting up with any gentleman's foibles and simply enjoy the company of gigolos on a fully expendable basis!