Does what you do impact your relationships?

Ask the question to yourself JME.

How would you feel dating an artnude model ?

How would you feel dating a woman who photographs nude male models ? More likely she will be photographing artnude women.

If you think you are not comfortable with that you can't question a partner uncomfortable with it either. I've seen some good looking models have break ups here , their modelling was likely the reason.

art65 said

Here is the advice of another single man..... I think it would be a good idea to get in shape not just because it might enhance your chances with the opposite sex but it will be better for your health and happiness with or without a significant other.

As for model photography.... within the model photography community there is nothing off putting in your portfolio but outside of it is a less sympathetic attitude prevails. Some of my female friends were quite disapproving of me an older man employing young women to pose for me. However, their attitudes have softened and my friendships have not been damaged.

The long and the short of it is that you have little control over your fate but you can do things to help your cause. I would say keep doing what you like doing but be prepared to give it up if you find a potential partner.

Right. I have female friends who have posed nude for me, and many more who like my photos, ask inquisitive questions about me, have tried to set me up with people. But that is because the wider social circle I found is musicians, artists, creative people generally. For me it is kind of irrelevant now but ten years ago if I had asked any one of my female friends -- even the ones who have posed nude -- to be honest and say if I would be more dateable if I didn't have an interest in shooting art nude with models, I'm pretty sure they'd say yes.

Out there away from Purpleport people can make pretty complex judgements and often subconsciously and very quickly. You may never get the opportunity to have the "why" conversation.

You can, as you say, do things to help your cause.

To the OP: the impact of it all on the probable step-parent situation? Yes I agree. But good for you for being ready for that idea.

Edited by Unfocussed Mike

Work on getting slim, getting fit, and finding a worthwhile relationship.

Once you are getting laid regularly you may find naked chicks on rocks is satisfying enough.

My wife is just pleased it's somebody else shivering on a rock, not her. ;)

Edited by Huw

Lenswonder I could live with it. As I could live with dating a model working to very high levels. Would probably not want them doing any BG stuff but anything up to OL and even Continental I could absolutely live with.

To all, thanks for the various perspectives guys. It's given me much to think about.

I cant tell you how useful it is to take them along on a shoot with a model you know well and trust. It worked wonders for me! Shows how the industry isnt at all what they think it is and its not glam at all haha! 

Unfocussed Mike you've hit the nail on the head.

It's the optics of a longterm single balding overweight 40 year old man taking naked pictures of younger women. That's the real issue. I *am* concerned that people think I'm creepy and weird.

Edit: especially as if, like you say, I'm almost certainly going to inviting someone else's kids into my life.

Edited by JME Studios

intense.puppy me too! He was a very insecure human being and had many problems I couldn't be arsed with after that

Like most things in life the answer is 'it depends'

In any relationship you need to make compromises and you need to make time for each other. Obviously everyone needs hobbies and the rest of it, there has to be a level of trust.

Looking at your portfolio I would say it's something you need to get out in the open early during any dating, especially if you wish to continue shooting from home. Don't be surprised If many get put off by it, and might say hurtful things as they won't understand the art side of it. Dating these days, especially if using apps/sites you need to be thick skinned and it can be utterly self destroying at times.

Obviously with any relationship, having similar interests will help (although me and my other half joke it's the things we dislike the most that we have in common rather than things we enjoy which means we both have very similar ethical and moral views) Whilst my OH has no interest in my photography she is a makeup nerd so there is a sort of common ground there. She's supportive of my photography and takes the piss about my 'titty pics' although I do her the respect of not post processing any nudes when sat next to each other. Regardless of her saying it doesn't bother her, having a half naked skinny girl zoomed in my screen potentially isn't doing her confidence any favours when she is self conscious about how she looks. 

Good luck. 

JME Studios said

Unfocussed Mike you've hit the nail on the head.

It's the optics of a longterm single balding overweight 40 year old man taking naked pictures of younger women. That's the real issue. I *am* concerned that people think I'm creepy and weird.

Well, here I don't think it matters much in the general sense -- and clearly it is not a dating site but on the other hand people do meet people here and have babies and the like.

Clearly there are spouses of photographers and models who don't mind. And I reckon once you meet people and get past their instant judgement filter, most people don't mind what they have been able to understand.

But the instant judgement filter exists.

And besides, it will be easier to get out there and meet someone, I think, if you put aside hobbies that have parasocial and faux-social elements anyway.

Booking and arranging shoots, planning comms, scheduling things, working out what someone else thinks about an idea for a shoot -- it can be a big deal, and this is all using the same parts of your brain that you can refocus to make social arrangements, think about fun stuff to do.

I think if you want to dedicate some time to finding longer term happiness, it's no betrayal of yourself to think about these things. And I have ten years on you and would say, consider not making a thing a core part of your identity if you think it's making you lonely.

Focus on your health though. Even that is going to pay dividends in terms of your confidence. And getting a head-start on looking after your health over 40 is a good thing.

Edited by Unfocussed Mike

Unfocussed Mike said

But the instant judgement filter exists.

It most certainly does.

I think for models it all too often manifests itself in jealousy, controlling behaviours, and other similar red flags.

Unfocussed Mike said

I think if you want to dedicate some time to finding longer term happiness, it's no betrayal of yourself to think about these things. And I have ten years on you and would say, consider not making a thing a core part of your identity if you think it's making you lonely.

Devils Advocate. You should also not stop doing something you enjoy just to make someone else happy. In the longterm you will resent them for it and become bitter about it.

Firstadekit said

Unfocussed Mike said

I think if you want to dedicate some time to finding longer term happiness, it's no betrayal of yourself to think about these things. And I have ten years on you and would say, consider not making a thing a core part of your identity if you think it's making you lonely.

Devils Advocate. You should also not stop doing something you enjoy just to make someone else happy. In the longterm you will resent them for it and become bitter about it.

Indeed, but that is not quite what I am saying. I am talking about the dating process, where a weird/odd/socially-unusual hobby that needs contextualising counts against you instantaneously if it's a core part of your identity.

People are often more complex once you actually get to know them, and much less bothered about stuff like this. But when someone is looking for a date, they don't just think about their own feelings. They do think about what wider society thinks; they do think about conventions and reputation and status.

I think more or less any kind of "model photography" as part of your identity as a 40something single man dating in a broad dating context (apps, speed dating, blind date setups by friends, whatever) in 2024 is likely a net negative with women. I think that would be obvious, as much as people might like it not to be.

In an artistic community, less so. 

I also think spending time on hobbies that replace true social connections with parasocial/faux-social connections is probably unhealthy if you are lonely and trying to be less lonely. It might be better to take a break from booking models and just go out and do social things.

And I think this because I think I've sometimes spent mental and emotional energy on planning and booking shoots that I should have spent on trying to get myself out there into the real world and being brave and spending time with someone I was fond of.

Edited by Unfocussed Mike

Sandra Blu I love Spanish food. Unfortunately I imagine I'm probably a bit young for you! 😂

JME Studios said

Unfocussed Mike you've hit the nail on the head.

It's the optics of a longterm single balding overweight 40 year old man taking naked pictures of younger women. That's the real issue. I *am* concerned that people think I'm creepy and weird.

Edit: especially as if, like you say, I'm almost certainly going to inviting someone else's kids into my life.

Edited by JME Studios

"And my Number One priority in 2025 is for that to change; I do not want to be on my own by Christmas 2025." 

You've stated your primary goal and have also stated you want to lose a serious amount of weight, they can go hand in hand but actually imo doing something to lose the weight, which is wholly for your benefit is the most important thing long term. Join a gym, do some weight bearing exercise, it will have a greater effect than cardio but that's also important. Walking is hugely under rated as an exercise, particularly if you put a pack on your back with some weight in it.

The model photography thing is irrelevant until you meet someone, you can carry on doing what you are doing if that's what you want to do until you meet someone, at which point yes you do need to think about whether you think you can reveal what you are currently shooting. If I were you I'd start doing some fashion and portraits, you can happily show anybody those images if you want to without being judged and actually by producing decent images it will impress people. I wouldn't show your current port to a potential new girlfriend if I were you. My guess would be that if you find yourself with a partner by 2025 you will have happily binned "shooting naked pictures of younger women" as you put it.

Edited by Allesandro B

As most of my stuff is taken in our home, I think it’s fair to say my wife is very supportive. She is happy to actively help on shoots. She meets pretty much every model who comes.

Before I started I asked her what she thought about the idea and she was find to see how it went.

I understand those who say ‘you do you, not what someone tells you’ but for me if she’s far more important than a hobby, so if she changed her mind, I’d be quite happy to stop.

We’ve known each other 50 odd years, about 40 when when I started model photography, so I’d say we had a pretty established relationship well before the topic arose.

In terms of your situation I think I’d understand a ‘yet to be established, potential partner’ had misgivings about your (our) hobby. If you think so too then I guess it’s about choices.