Be honest- Do you love your own photography?

MaristarOxley

"How do you rate your own images and do you question yourself all the time, or are you at peace with the photos you produce?"

I question my work all the time. However, I know I'm quite competent. There's a few people I'm jealous of their work and it's clear that models would easily pic them over myself.

I dislike seeing people making a certain type of fawning praise on them because of it.

But that said I'm self-taught, My ideas often come from me, I've been able to get decent results from a diverse range of people, I've earned from my hobbies, and I know that people work with me for me. So I'm often more comfortable with my efforts than I think.

MaristarOxley

Also...

I don't get better at doing the thing, if I don't do the thing.

WJM Videography if the videography gives you more pleasure, even if more challenging, then you are on the right path.

indemnity

Quote:

PP imagery is a rather specific and limited in type/content

Don't let Pap be your guide. Push further if that's what you want to do.

MaristarOxley said

indemnity

Quote:

PP imagery is a rather specific and limited in type/content

Don't let Pap be your guide. Push further if that's what you want to do.

Exactly, the world of photography extends beyond PP, PP is a great place to meet other creatives but explore outside as well

Afrofilmviewer said

MaristarOxley

Also...

I don't get better at doing the thing, if I don't do the thing.

The weird thing about my photography is that I definitely seem to get better at it in the gaps between shoots. I'm sure there are things I am not getting better at by not shooting more frequently, but I am not sure those things matter to me as much.

To answer the question I have been pondering, and without turning this into a broader therapy session: I think I don't love my photography because I am stuck in a sort of anhedonic mid-life crisis where I don't love anything or anybody. This has been extremely difficult to work my way out of, and yet it is down to me alone to do so. While other men my age may be chasing someone far too young or buying a sports car or hair plugs, I am questioning what my life is going to be like and how I navigate an awful  ambivalence about it, which is both an ugly Western indulgence and kind of a terrifying prison one can't simply walk out of.

Many things have been a casualty of this but perhaps my photography is the canary in the coalmine. I haven't done a purpleport-type shoot in a couple of years, because I fear I would be doing shoots for the sake of them. Which is a really weird reason not to do shoots.

Inasmuch as anyone should be pleased with/proud of their own thoughts, which isnotmuch, I am pleased with the evolution of my thinking about photography and my shift to a sort of meta-photography of research and self-made experimental tools, but it has been something of a rabbithole of 3D printers and photographic history and materials science and CAD, and it begins to look like me distracting myself from that simple process of shooting for pleasure.

So much so that I have even -- dramatic-gopher.gif -- been considering buying an autofocus lens in the Black Friday sales.

However, I do have more "maker" things I want to achieve, and perhaps the best outcome of this last couple of years is that I have the cognitive tools to make physical things, now. I just need to place them in an order of priority. And it may provide me a route out of my more general fear of the rest of my life.

As to my existing work: there is not much on my portfolio I don't feel some pride in, and it all represents a kind of evolution of my study-based, history-oriented approach to photography. Each shoot involved me trying to work out something new (about something old), and seeing if I was pulling off the thing I was learning; do people see in my photos the thing I wanted them to see at the time.

So I don't need to re-critique them because I did that pretty ruthlessly at the time; they are what they are.

But it's kind of fascinating to look back on my first Purpleport shoot and see that thematically, I have always been thinking about the same things. 

Damon_Dori_ said

There have been times where I did a shoot, came home and opened the images on my pc and I was really disappointed with the results. I still encounter this problem sometimes. My last few shoots I would say I will have 3 good ones and 1 that somehow just don't work.

The best antidote to the disappointment-of-getting-home-and-looking-at-the-photos is not to really scrutinise the photos for the first 24 hours, until they have had a chance to become 2D images. If you go into them in depth too soon, they just remind you of the three-dimensional moment, which is full of photographs nobody could have taken; all photographs are imperfect. Wait a little longer and review what you have, not what you could have had.

Three good results per shoot is an interesting target. If I come back from a shoot and I have two dozen photos I like, I think maybe I wasn't pushing myself hard enough to get the number down to just a few. 

I'm sorry I wrote you such a long letter; I didn't have time to write a short one -- Blaise Pascal

Edited by Unfocussed Mike

I love the process and meeting and working with awesome people but am never happy with my work. I constantly look back and think how I always could do things better and am never satisfied. I constantly doubt myself to the point of quitting some days. Always feel a bit of a fraud in amongst so many talented creatives on here and some undiscovered gems also (models/artist/photographers) who need much more recognition for their work.

Some days I think my work is OK but mostly I tolerate my end results but always look fondly on the experience of working with awesome people and a fun shoot but constantly want to improve and learn. When I speak to other creatives they all seem to have the same self doubt in one way or another. So it must be something in the make up of a creative mindset that pushes you to always do better, develop your skillsets and continue on the learning journey.

The most important thing is to not take it too seriously, enjoy the process and hopefully the rest will sort itself out!

PP is a very small  ( and decreasing) part of my photographic pursuits.

I do love the process of taking photographs, whatever the subject, indeed perhaps the process itself is the most satisfying element, so almost 'Zen' like, in my landscape photography for example often just the getting to  somewhere and reacting to that place offers so much and the photographs are a bonus!

PP is for me about pre visualising an image style then  creating a set up, lighting, viewpoint etc. to realise the idea. 

One Bright Spark said

When I speak to other creatives they all seem to have the same self doubt in one way or another. So it must be something in the make up of a creative mindset that pushes you to always do better, develop your skillsets and continue on the learning journey.

Yeah. I mean I think as ClickMore 📷 said above, really you have to be pretty critical of yourself to make any creative progress in any task.

Lately I am playing guitar a bit more. I am learning a weird instrument few play -- a Weissenborn-type hollowneck acoustic lap slide guitar (think Ed Gerhard, Thomas Oliver, Dan Auerbach, Kaki King, but probably most obviously early Ben Harper).

I am alright at it. I have internalised a lot of stuff I have learned from watching other players, developed a style, I can arrange pieces and get some of the more complex, nuanced melodies that a lot of guitarists seem to assume aren't possible/worth pursuing in a slide instrument.

But lately I have realised that an aspect of my playing style is really too conservative. I am so paranoid about avoiding the slide equivalent of "fret buzz" that I am losing some of the key qualities of the sound of a hollowneck by muting too much. (Specifically muting behind the slide, for those guitarists out there)

I don't want to end up a massively technical player but I do want this sound, so I have been re-watching Ed Gerhard videos and paying more attention to when he unmutes.

Improving this is involving unpicking literally every muscle memory I have developed and learning a new balance of control and looseness, and it's so deeply frustrating at times I give up and go back to the safer way I was playing, which will never embarrass me but is not as vivid as it could be.

But this self-criticism was real and true and it does have to be followed through with.

Edited by Unfocussed Mike

Some of it.

I don't expect or intend to love all of it.

I don't expect people who buy pictures of themselves running or cycling past to love them, and I don't feel a need but occasionally get one I do love. But they mean something, and document something, and I'm in the fresh air which is nice.

The process, and model shoots, yes. 

Even that is a bit of an iceberg, the 9/10 of satisfaction, amusement, exercise* supporting the 10% someone loves.

 * I bring more kit and props than I might use. There tend to be stairs etc.

I love this question. It's something I have given a lot of thought to over the years and I have a few observations.

A) The period when I loved my work the most was just before I realised how dreadful a photographer I was (at that time, thankfully I have improved since then although ymmv). I was delusional, in full Dunning-Kruger mode. Thankfully I had a Road to Damascus revelation and was able to learn from it, something that clearly doesn't happen to many photographers. I guess ignorance is bliss. 

2) One issue that I struggled with for a long time is what I am actually trying to achieve or what  my goals are as a photographer. I'm not interested in gaining money or popularity from my work. Most paid jobs made me feel dirty. I never got any buzz from seeing my photos on a billboard or in magazines (real ones, in actual shops). When I thought about the elements that I did enjoy and/or were important to me, I realised that really my only aspiration is to be my favourite photographer. That involves a lot of things beyond the quality of my work, but obviously loving the images is a big part of it. 

D) You can learn so much more from failure than success so I guess even when an image is disappointing aesthetically, it is still deserving of love as it will help you get better. I also think many of us fall into the trap of always looking for the "wow" image any time we pick up a camera. Accepting that there won't always be one can be really helpful. Consistently producing solid work builds up your skills so that you won't miss the "wows" when they come along.

Lightingman said

perhaps the process itself is the most satisfying element

I like to say that the work is the reward. I know not everyone will feel the same way but this sentiment says it all for me.

Edited by Mitch Morgan

Mitch Morgan said

I was delusional, in full Dunning-Kruger mode. Thankfully I had a Road to Damascus revelation and was able to learn from it, something that clearly doesn't happen to many photographers. I guess ignorance is bliss. 

Indeed. Though one of the things Dunning and Kruger don't talk about enough is that the process of working through one's "but I wore the juice!" phase is like a power series of Damascene revelations: at some level the best you get is that you know that there are further revelations to come and you are better able to recognise them when they turn up. 

The real joy in learning something is beginning to look forward to the pure joy of those "oh wow, it turns out I'm still an idiot!" enlightenment moments when they occur. 

Edited by Unfocussed Mike

Mitch Morgan "I also think many of us fall into the trap of always looking for the "wow" image any time we pick up a camera."

This is a key point. People picking up a camera and expecting them all to be bangers.

Keeps camera companies happy tho. Because then people wonder why they don't like their work then buy new gear.