Life Sucks

It takes time Mike, and as I said on another similar thread a number of weeks ago I know EXACTLY how you are feeling and what you are going through...

I lost my father in 2019, and it hurt and I was angry...I did end up going through grief counselling a number of years later and I would recommend you look into that!

2023 was probably my worst year ever...

Mother in law fell over, punctured her lung and was hospitalised...

Father in law passed away unexpectedly 1 month later...

My parents had a bad bout of COVID...

My wife got diagnosed with breast cancer...

Her brother also got diagnosed with cancer at roughly the same time...

We lost our loveable, nigh on 15 year old, Spaniel...

Everything hurt last year!

Talk to family and friends, seek out counselling and more importantly, if you need someone not connected to anything or anyone - talk to me...

I will DM you my mobile number

Sounds like it's hit you very hard. Which is not surprising in the least. It might be worth seeking out a grief counsellor.

Each time this sort of crap happens it’s hard, no matter how often it happens. But over time each gets a wee bit easier.

It feeling bad is a sign you’re a caring person. Which can’t be bad.

I’m very sorry to hear of your losses.

It will get easier but I think a definite symptom of grief is a lack of motivation. It can be a case of small steps because when you do manage to get motivated to do something it takes your mind off how you are feeling.

Talking to someone who has been through it and just listens is useful.

It will take a while, but yes, it does get easier. 

It gets easier. My inner voice now says “Put the kettle on, lad” as if it was my dad saying it. If YouTube throws up something my mum liked, Tom Jones or a song from a musical then I give a quick wave skyward. Gone but not forgotten and lots of good memories.

Losing your mum is life-changing. There is no way around that. 

Sometimes grief can come at you very physically. It may happen to you in places and at times where you would rather it didn’t. There is almost nobody who has lost a parent who hasn’t been absolutely broken by some stupid random thing in public. 

Never let that embarrass you. Tell people why you are crying, if they ask. They will understand, and tell you about people they have lost too.

Smile at the rush of memories if you can. 

Because you were loved, and you will always still feel that love. Trust me; you will be able to find it even decades later.

She is not fully gone because you, her lifelong project, are still here. 

Unfocussed Mike beautifully said

Unfocussed Mike said

Losing your mum is life-changing. There is no way around that. 

Sometimes grief can come at you very physically. It may happen to you in places and at times where you would rather it didn’t. There is almost nobody who has lost a parent who hasn’t been absolutely broken by some stupid random thing in public. 

Never let that embarrass you. Tell people why you are crying, if they ask. They will understand, and tell you about people they have lost too.

Smile at the rush of memories if you can. 

Because you were loved, and you will always still feel that love. Trust me; you will be able to find it even decades later.

She is not fully gone because you, her lifelong project, are still here. 

Well... if that's not enough to get the tears running, I don't know what is!

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate every response

Oh no i am so sorry to hear this. It must be incredibly difficult to deal with both. I haven't lost two people at the same time but did lose someone close to me at a young age.

My advice is don't ignore grief. Work through it and it will eventually get a bit better. But it does take time.

Be kind to yourself.

Hugs

Edited by Zara_Lee

Unfocussed Mike said

Losing your mum is life-changing. There is no way around that. 

Sometimes grief can come at you very physically. It may happen to you in places and at times where you would rather it didn’t. There is almost nobody who has lost a parent who hasn’t been absolutely broken by some stupid random thing in public. 

Never let that embarrass you. Tell people why you are crying, if they ask. They will understand, and tell you about people they have lost too.

Smile at the rush of memories if you can. 

Because you were loved, and you will always still feel that love. Trust me; you will be able to find it even decades later.

She is not fully gone because you, her lifelong project, are still here. 

+1 on the well said. Grief is different for everybody but also the same (I know that doesn't matter sense mostly)

Allesandro B agreed

I've never really lost anyone and then this summer I lost my uncle unexpectedly after a short illness, then my Opa (my mum and uncle's dad) without any prior warning and my granddad also after a short illness and being put on palliative care all within about 8 weeks of each other.

I'm not a crier or a griever. None of my family are. But I went to a Remembrance Day parade yesterday since all three family members served in the military and when I got home I saw both my mum and my sister had the same idea as me and attended in their memory and we all thought about them during our minutes' silence. I got home and had a little cry because that hit me weird.

Grief is weird and a hard bitch but we have to ride it out as and when it comes knocking. Whether that's a little cry here and there or screaming into the pillow. But you're not alone and it's good that you've come here to share. We're here for you

Life is cruel, and it is when events all happen bunched up, together without a chance to recover and process that it can knock you for 6.

I feel you when you loose people close to you in a short time, makes one question life.

Our family 3 major things happen in a single week, started with a cat being unwell, booked into a vets, did not know at the time but it was cancer and would be put down 5 days later. The same day my ex-partner was not responding to txt messages, I knew she went to A&E with a sore belly that morning, by 3pm I went to the hospital to find her, she was just admitted to a ward and did not look at all well. I expressed my concern to the staff nurse that she needed extra care and went to feed my daughter who was back from school. I got a call from the doctors at 4pm, they said she had cancer of the liver and I should come straight in. I went back to the hospital to see her and speak with the doctors, the prognosis was very bad, she was not expected to make the night, I was told to gather family. Her mother was in France and our son at university, neither could make it in the short time remaining. Then came the hardest part of my life, to take my teenage daughter to see her mother for the last time, a few hours later I went back to the hospital and she passed away a few hours later.

That week also my father had been diagnosed with Asbestosis (worked as an electrician), he would begin immune therapy, to double his expected 1 year remaining, to 2 years. He did not react well to the treatment and would pass away early 2024. 

Our lives have been turned upside down, in the extreme.

We carry on, because we have to, to help those around us, also carry on, and one day hope to find solace and joy again, time does heal.