Experiment- past and present

Welcome! 

I came back to Europe for a few months after traveling around Asia for almost a year. I’ll be in London for a month in November. 

I’m planning to start recording videos and write stories about my experiences with healing, energy, elements, sacred plant medicine, addictions, nudity and spiritual transformation that started almost 4 years ago. 

Part of the story is my experience as a model and my long, painful journey to acceptance and love for myself and my body. 

Here are short parts of one of the stories I’m currently writing and planning to tell when it’s ready: 

'' Back to the past... I've had a very interesting experience yesterday. I went to a shop with my mum and something got my attention... It was my past. I looked at it and started to remember myself a few years back. I remember how I looked like. A face full of make up, fake nails, fake lashes, push up bras, tight, uncomfortable clothes, high heels and the eyes....The eyes, hidden behind a curtain of big, black eyelashes expressing pain, deep sadness, anger, insecurity and despise for self. Perhaps covered by numbness and some kind of cold, harsh gaze''(...)

(...)'' The insecurities are still there, they still come up sometimes but now I know the way to speak to them is not through improving external because it won't fix the core of it. It's a loop, a never ending cycle of trying to chase a certain look which you will never achieve because there is always something to improve. There are always women who look ''better''. I don't want to compete in this game anymore. I am creating a new game, on my terms. Does it mean I can never wear any make up anymore? I can never take sexy photos? I can never dress up? I don't think so. I guess I can still do it occasionally when I feel like it. I don't need to put myself in a box- now I am only 100% natural, eco, bio, organic chick who wears a potato bag as clothes just to make a point. I am still experimenting, always changing and evolving. The layers of fakeness started to peel off during the years since I started my spiritual journey. I dropped the nails, eyelashes, make up, uncomfortable clothes, heels. My hair is slowly getting back to its natural colour and as they grow I am growing out of the blonde with them.''

I’d like to create a little experiment for myself. 

I need to organise 2 shoots : 

1. Art nude- no/ minimal make up, natural poses, natural expression- I want to express myself as I am 
2. Glam - sexy nightwear/ lingerie, make up, hair done, good lighting, complimenting poses 

Art nude: I have never posted fully nude photos online and I’ll need a photographer who is happy to agree to post only implied nudes from our shoot in his portfolio (but we will be taking fully nude photos). 

Possibly in the future I might post nude photos on my upcoming website but it will be in a membership section as it is just a small part of my experience and some of my stories will be accessible for members only. 

Therefore I need a photographer who is happy with these terms. 

Glamour - I want to take a part in this shoot and then be able to speak about my experience, how I felt, what kind of realisations came through and the differences between these 2 shoots. 

I’d like to compare the results of these shoots, see what kind of different feelings they bring and write a story. I'll publish this story at some point and I'd like to see how other people perceive these images and what kind of feelings come up for them. 

I could have 2 different photographers for each shoot or possibly 1 photographer who can do both :) 

I could even do it twice to see how different people affect (or not) these feelings.

Payment: 

TF. I think if I paid for it it would totally change the dynamic of the shoot. 

Do it if you like it, if it inspires you in any way :) It's just an experiment. 

Location: Your location, I don't live in London anymore and don't have a place.

Anyone up for the challenge?